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After years of doing the BAP Manuals bi-monthly (that is, every-other month), I am switching to making them a monthly offering. And, in the doing, they are no longer doing to be offered as a freebie. I know this is hard for some of you to read, but I’m simply unable to give away as much as I have been. Like all businesses, BAP is facing increased costs, etc., and besides, now that I am a lawyer, the Manuals can contain more valuable information than ever before.

The culture of “free” has hit all of us. I get many calls and emails asking for help (both legal and marketing) and, when I say “I can’t answer for free” I far too often get an angry reply like “What do you mean it will cost money?!” Not always, of course, but too often and more and more. Also, there are more and more “free” and “low cost” resources in the photo world offered by companies who make their livings selling other products and services (like websites and lists, etc.). I don’t fault those companies for what they are doing–they are being smart businesses, but I’m not going to try and compete with them either.

The reality is, like everyone, I have to make a living. The information I provide is my product, I’m a specialist who has devoted my professional life to photographer (and other creative pro) marketing and business issues, and I can’t afford to give it away any more.

So, here is the scoop: you can still get the Manuals for free, if you purchase the BAP2Go app ($59.99). You can get the app for the iPhone or the Android. If you purchase the app, you will not only get the Manuals, you will also get free Creative Lube podcasts and other materials. Basically, it’s a one-time cost for long-term benefits.

The other option is to subscribe to the Manuals. You can do that either monthly or annually, using the PayPal button below. Please remember to enter the email address where you wish to receive the Manual, as I know many people use a different address for PayPal.

Subscription options

Monthly : $6.00USD – monthlyAnnual : $50.00USD – yearly

Email for Manual delivery

I’m going to be speaking at APA-SD this month, on legal stuff. More info on my legal services site.

Everyone is sharing their lists of things to do or not to do in 2012. I thought I’d share mine. I’m going to warn you, though, it’s not like any other marketing/business related list out there. And I also warn you, I’m not holding back on the language. I think someone needs to bitchslap the industry and today I’m just the broad to do it.

So, here is my list of what you should/should not do for your business in 2012…

1. If anyone talks about ROI or value propositions or anything else that smacks of weasel-in-a-suit when it comes to your marketing, run away. All that old shit is dead. Sure, you want to get the best bang for your buck, but most of the kind of marketing you do in your business is not quantifiable and the old MBA bullshit is just that… bullshit. First off, you are not selling widgets and much of that just doesn’t apply to service providers. Secondly, there are new tools every day–new ways to connect–and most don’t have any analog in the old world. Your marketing today needs to be honest, real, and a reflection of who you are. I sure as hell hope you are not a “suit.” Stay away from buzzwords–don’t use them and be skeptical of those who do.
2. Forget about old selling tools like “elevator speeches.” Look, no one gives a shit who you are or what you do when you shill. It’s totally off-putting to get the spiel–be that at a party or in an actual elevator. Car salesman-esque. Fake. Ew.
   My “elevator speech” is I’m a marketing consultant and lawyer for creative professionals. That’s it, because all I’m doing is answering the question “What do you do?” Why only this? Because I’m not pushing the sale (that is very old and disliked) and I leave space for a dialogue by NOT answering all the implied questions (see #3). I’m letting go of trying to control the interaction and in so doing get better results.
3. When meeting someone new, especially a target, after saying that you are a commercial photographer (or whatever), always follow it up with a question (or more than one) about the other person: Do you work on the Widget campaign? What other ones? Who’s your dream to work with? etc. And respond honestly to their responses and use follow-up questions: I love the Widget work–where did you find that actor? You are a hell of a lot more interesting to a potential target when you are interested in her/him, especially (in this context) his/her work (it’s good to do research on your targets ahead of time so you know enough to have questions).
4. Fuck SEO. Seriously, unless you are shooting weddings/portraits and/or your work is specifically related to your geography, fuck it (and even for those of you who do weddings, etc., don’t spend too much time at it).
   Google has 97% of search traffic and it manipulates its results something wicked (they are under investigation by the Federal Trade Commission for this). Really, it’s wasted effort. Moreover, good buyers are not using Google to find photographers. At best they may do an image search (mostly for inspiration, not to hire a photog) and then that’s going to be more about keywording your work than your site.
   Yes, we all know of someone who got a great gig from Google: and that person is the exception, not the rule. It’s like what we women do often with dating: we hear about the one friend of a friend who ended up getting happily married after the guy didn’t call forever and we think that can happen to us. We could get hit by lightening, too.
5. Stop whining. I’m tired of hearing “I can’t do that.” Yes, you can. It might be hard and it may be risky, but you can do it. I don’t care what it is, almost always you can find a way to do it. Get a set already. Business is hard and there are no guarantees. You want a guarantee, buy a blender. You want to be a creative pro? Accept that is tantamount to doing the flying trapeze, without a net. Let go and have fun with that. You chose to be an artist–stop whining about the risks.
   5.a. The answer to the question But what if someone doesn’t like it? is always Fuck ’em.
6. Shoot/make art for yourself, as often as you can. Don’t shoot/draw/create for any other reason (like to specifically make something for your portfolio) but rather shoot for the love of shooting and for making the work that excites you. Don’t worry if it’s good or right or what you should be doing, just make some damn art (see 5.a. above). That is your job and you have to do it for your business just as much as you have to pay your web hosting bill.
7. Stop doing generic promos. Your promos need to be a reflection of who you are and you are supposed to be a creative professional, right? So why the hell do you hide that? If you get a crazy idea and you love it, do it. Do it well (collaborate with a designer) and invest in your promotions, especially print or other tangible items. Yes, you can send postcards and email promos, but they are generally only better than nothing. A really original, creative, smart idea will break through the clutter. Some people won’t like it–find the ones who do (target well!) and for everyone else, see number 5.a. above.
   7.a. Do not ever call a client to follow up on a promo… I mean, don’t say “I sent you a promo, did you get it?” or “I sent you a promo, did you like it?”
8. Get out of your office/out from behind your computer and interact with people. Social media is a form of connection but it’s a weak one. You want to get work, you need to meet people in real life. Yes, that means making calls to set up meetings. It means traveling to the places where your targets are and meeting with them there. Oh, and at the end of any portfolio meeting, do NOT ask for a job on the spot. They hate that.
   Getting out also means going to events connected to your targets, like AIGA presentations or Ad Club events. Take people to lunch (or bring it with you), throw studio parties, put yourself out there. And have fun with it!
9. Register your damn copyrights. Yeah, this is me with my lawyer hat on but it’s one of the best things you can do for your business. The sooner you register, the better. It’s a long lecture as to why (statutory damages and attorneys’ fees, etc.) but trust me when I say that you don’t want to find later that someone has been using your work (and you will!) but that you can’t prove much in the way of damages and so get practically nada. That sucks.
10. I don’t care what any other consultant or photographer tells you, separate out your Usage Licensing Fee from your Creative (shoot) Fee. Better yet, make sure the License Fee is where most of the “cost” lies. As more and more work is getting ripped off you need to be able to prove the value of your license (even if you are going for statutory damages–it helps) and you cannot do that if you use a combined fee on your estimates and invoices. The other side will have a great argument that most of that number is the Creative/Shoot Fee and you get screwed a second time. Why do you think buyers say they want them combined? Because it benefits their companies, not you. They are protecting their asses–you need to look after your own.
    You can do this if you want to make sure not to piss off a buyer: on the cover/summary page of your estimate (and invoice!) you lump your numbers together into two main categories (Fees, Production Charges) so that there is a simple, one-page overview for the buyer to glance at. Inside, however, you break out every Fee and Production Charge, line item by line item, and make sure to line item the License Fee separately.
11. Yes, the list of 10 goes to 11… and the last is the most important: be yourself in everything you do. Honesty and real connections are what makes your business successful now. Steve Jobs taught us that having convictions is a good thing for your business and that’s what being honest is. And that’s what I’m demonstrating here. Sure, some people are going to be offended by my language and/or say it’s inappropriate in business, but in our businesses, being real trumps convention, every time. I swear (in multiple languages even), I’m passionate, I want y’all to succeed, and I work hard to make that happen. In 2012, I’m going to be more real and open with my thoughts and opinions, and that is going to scare off some people, but I know it will help those who stay and follow.
    For the others, well, see number 5.a., above.

As we come to the end of 2011 we are being hit with all the year in review stuff. Lists of best (or worst) movies, books, tv shows, fashion, you name it are being foisted on us. Photography is no exception.

I get frustrated with all of the “best of photo” lists, however. I have yet to see a list that isn’t entirely photo-journalistic. And these lists evoke comments from photographers like “This is why we do what we do!”

Most of the photographers who post comments like that are being at best disingenuous. Most of those photographers are not in photography to expose the injustices of a tyrannical regime or the sufferings of the starving. Nope. Most photographers wouldn’t have the courage to drop everything (except their camera) and run into the riots, the wars, the pestilence that the best, gutsiest photo-journalists actively seek out every day. And they shouldn’t pretend like they are because, and I know I’m going to piss off some folks but I’ll say it anyway, photo-journalists are no better than other photographers.

I’m not saying they are worse, mind you, but they are not better. PJ/non-PJ are simply alternate universes in imagery.

Photo-journalism is subject-driven. Of course there is good and bad imagery created by photo-journalists, but if you “get the shot” when the world is crumbling around you, no matter how well or poorly, it is a creation to the scene. That is, a photo-journalist (an ethical one, I mean) does not create the subject of his image (and forgive me, I am not going to his/her, s/he this piece although of course both genders do this work)–he, essentially, takes the photo. The great ones bring something more than just focus or framing to that, of course, but at its base, photo-journalism is a sort of reaction photography.

Other photographers make their photos from scratch. They create the scene, the subject, the environment… all or in part. Their starting point is not to tell the very real story of _______; it is not about capturing, about reacting to the world presented. It is about creating the image, creating that world. From shooting a CEO in his office for a sales brochure (to engender trust and show humanity in the boss, say) to full-on set building/costumed/post-production whizbangery, the only reality is what the photographer makes. This kind of photography also has its good and bad practitioners, but whatever these people do, it is production photography.

I get frustrated with photo-journalism being lauded as something better. The photographers who make images, who create their own visual reality (that includes visual reality for their clients) are not beneath those who capture the real world.

Again, I’m not maligning photo-journalists. Not at all. There are some amazing artists in that realm. But there are also some images that make these Best of lists because the photographer “got lucky” and that’s it. The subject is so profound that, as long as the image shows that subject in focus/in frame, we are moved.

But still we don’t see images created for, say, marketing on those same Best of lists. We are still moved by these images… arguably even more so because we take action. In terms of economics, the non-PJ photographers have a much greater impact in the world. They create the images that sell the products and services driving our economies. And yet those images don’t get the same glory. Seems unfair.

Why don’t we see lists of the non-PJ images that made the biggest impact in 2011? I dunno, but can you think of one such list? I can’t think of any. So I’d like to start one. What do you think? What images in advertising or marketing have you seen this year that you think particularly stand out?

(with apologies to Magritte)

Starting today, you can get my books on sale through Lulu.com. They are available in print and ebook formats and make great gifts, especially for the younger/less experienced photographer or assistant. Oh, and if you buy today (CyberMonday), Lulu has additional markdowns.

Also, if you book any of my consulting services before the end of 2011 (just book–you can actually use the service now or in 2012), you can save 20%! That’s a big deal, even if I do say so myself. Shoot me an email to get pdfs explaining my offerings and their prices.

At the end of March, 2010, I started running. I had never, ever, run before, but I had to do something to jumpstart the fitness routine and to maintain sanity through law school (not to mention my divorce). After trying on my own and really sucking at it, I decided I needed help, so I bought the Couch to 5K app (C25K). Turns out it was a great idea because it was a forced discipline. It told me when and how to run, imposing its goals on me. I completed that app, which seemed kind of a miracle, and was so inspired by my achievement that I then did the Bridge to 10K one. In a few months (4, actually) I went from not being able to run to the end of the block to running over 6 miles.

After I completed that app, I kept running, sort of. I no longer had that “forced” discipline, so I did it less and less, or in spurts, with no real goal except the vague “to stay in shape at some level.” The distance definitely dropped even though I’d still get out there every other day for weeks at a time. It just wasn’t the same.

Meanwhile, one of my law school buddies ran her first marathon a couple of months ago. She’s considerably younger than I, of course. Still, I’m way impressed. Surprisingly, she contacted me to ask me to run a half-marathon with her. I thought she was nuts… I mean, the 10K had been a challenge to achieve, but 13.1 miles? That’s more than twice that distance! And then I thought about it and said “Yes.”

Why am I talking about this to you? Well, because it’s all about using tools and doing the work.

You have goals in your business. You want to bill $X or get Y number of new clients or work with Client Z… you have (I hope) some goal or goals. In order for you to achieve them, you have to do the work. Every day. What are you doing to make that happen? What tools are you using to make sure you have an executable plan? Do you have a tool to structure the daily tasks necessary to achieve your goal?

Me, I bought a new app to train for the half-marathon in March, 2011. Now, every morning (well 6 out of 7 days a week), I have something I have to do. I know I can’t get to 13.1 miles on my own–I need a tool to help me get there. With this app, the plan is laid out for me. But I still have to do the work, every day. I have to commit to that, to the work, and not weasel out with excuses. Like this morning, when it was cold outside and my bed was warm and I’m fighting a bit of bronchitis–I did not want to go run and could hear myself saying that I should rest, etc. But I had promised myself to be committed to the program, to do the work, and so I laced up the shoes, fired up the app, and ran my assignment for the day.

Most creatives have a hard time structuring their time. There is a false belief that creativity comes from inspiration which cannot be controlled or forced or scheduled. These are rationalizations to avoid doing the work. If you don’t regulate your time and activities, you don’t achieve the goals you want. Maybe you feel like you are working all the time, but you are doing so inefficiently and without specific purpose, and this hurts your business.

Are you one of those creatives? If so, you need to read this article about how more successful creatives structure their time and concentrate their efforts (this older article is also interesting and related). Basically, less time + harder effort = higher level of success. In other words, you have to do the work, regularly. The work for you includes the work you may not love (marketing) as well as the creative work. And structure in these efforts is your friend.

So, as we head into the end of the year, I suggest taking some time to brainstorm some goals or at least figure out what you want to accomplish in 2012. Then, find some tools to help you achieve. Calendaring apps, GTD systems… there are lots of tools out there. I can help you with your planning, of course (that’s part of what I do), but, no matter what, you’re still going to have to do the work. Commit to it.

Here’s a good starter list of things to commit to for 2012:

1. I will do my work.
2. I will work smarter and harder, but not longer.
3. I will schedule my efforts.

There is no shame in using tools to help you. Or using a coach. Or admitting you need help to do what you want to do. I know you can make 2012 a more successful year–you just need to do the work.

Okay people, the year is rapidly coming to a close and if you want to be ready for 2012, marketing-wise, you need to get on it. Time to write up marketing plans, re-edit your website and your portfolio, improve your targeting, or at least get a review of what you have out there now.

In other words, now is the time to book me to help.

Extra super fabulous reason? A 15% discount on my regular rates.
Book before December 15, 2011 (work may be completed later as needed) to get the discount.

I’ve been thinking a lot about love and passion lately. Keeping with the recent theme of marketing being like dating, this does apply to your business. Yet I have been kind of reluctant to talk about it and I wasn’t sure why. Then I realized that it is because this is where the analogy gets personal. We go beyond the flirtation here to the real connection that must be made. This is intimacy.

Part of the trouble is that I think the terms have been sort of co-opted by the touchy-feely folks out there. Not just photo consultants, but all sorts of business consultants chant that you have to be passionate and do the work youlove. They aren’t wrong, exactly, but they sort of cheapen the deeper meaning of the words and, I think, give people a cheat. The words, to paraphrase The Princess Bride, do not mean what they think they mean. They become throw-aways, flattened, not carrying the depth they need to. And, thus, we are misusing them–claiming a profundity that isn’t really there.

The other day, I was talking to a photographer friend/client about his work and I indeed said the now common words–that he needed to show work he loves. This person is someone I know beyond the usual client relationship so I knew that he could be very blunt. I have a couple of friends who are like this: very straight-forward so when they say something confusing, it stands out. Knowing this about him, his reply struck me: he said he didn’t love any of his work, but he also said he loved a lot. I didn’t get what he meant so my mental warning bells went off. Then he said that he defined love differently, and something clicked in my head: Love isn’t the right word to use. We have to stop using it.

We love all sorts of things–our family members, our romantic partners, pets, chocolate, great shoes, the way that woman looks in that dress, mountain biking, Family Guy, Hugh Jackman, Scarlett Johansson, the Parrot Sketch, a great massage, your kid’s piano playing, and pizza, just to name a few. Love is sort of different for each thing. So, going back to my friend/client, for this man, he can love some of his images but not not love them at the same time, because it all depends on what love we are talking about.

This really made me think. Why do we use this word that becomes almost a throw-away? How can I ask clients to show work they love when they love mac-n-cheese?

So, I realized that it is definitely the wrong word to use and that’s part of what makes me so uncomfortable to discuss it. First because it means I’ve been teaching the right thing wrongly for some time and, second, because the word we need to use is even more intimate. We need to stop tip-toeing around and come out with it. We need to talk about passion.

What I’m talking about when I say (said) you need to show the work you love is that it has to be the work you are passionate about. Now, that word has its own pile of possibilities and can also be misued, but I think we can all agree that if you are passionate about something, it evokes a very strong (often physical) reaction. Often, you cannot describe why you feel what you feel, you just know you feel it, something, something big, deep, profound, animal, wordless.

Look at the derivation of the word (from dictionary.com):

 1125–75; Middle English (< Old French ) < Medieval Latin passiōn– (stem of passiō ) Christ’s sufferings on the cross, any of the Biblical accounts of these (> late Old English passiōn ), special use of Late Latin passiō suffering, submission, derivative of Latin passus, past participle of patī to suffer, submit; see -ion

Suffering. Submission. These are big, profound words. Think about it in its most basic form: sexual passion. What pops into your mind? It could be any number of things but the one thing it is not is “thoughtful.” Passion isn’t about thought–it is about the purest form of emotion/feeling. Raw. Unprocessed. Exposed.

Funny how the words of your art are also evocative of the emotion you need to reach.

Passion is scary. Going back to the dating analogy, we’re conditioned by society to keep passion in check. It’s too revealing–too close to our real self and too dangerous to show (so we are told). Too much emotion, too much rawness and reality and you might scare off the other person! Let yourself go, reveal your passion (your deepest self), and not only do you run the risk of the other person checking out, you might get laughed at in the process.

Also, as soon as you start talking about suffering and submission in the context of dating, society implies a marginalization: BDSM, fetish… the so-called “darker side” of human relationships and sexuality.

The same thing happens with your work. If you choose to show only the work you are passionate about, you are revealing your innermost self–your raw, open, very real creative self. This is the work you want to make more than any other, the work you submit yourself to. It is your master, by your own choice to submit to it. You are, in “society’s” mind, self-marginalizing.

But in our industry, in the arts, that is a good thing. Art isn’t art when anyone can do it. You have to be different, have something that is you and only you in your work to be successful today. Anyone can take a photo and many of them are good, but they aren’t art without that something more, and they won’t get you good projects from clients. Today, you have to go beyond the every day, the safe, the normal–you need to differentiate, to self-marginalize, to reveal your passion.

Passion scares the hell out of us, especially us Americans, because it touches our deepest inner nature. We are a shallow culture in many ways and we still have a puritan streak a mile wide. But passion is also something we desire, covertly sometimes. Passion is why the works of artists (including authors and musicians as well as the visual), touch us each in our own way–each individually connecting with the other who most speaks to us. It is an intimacy.

And so it is with your art. You have to reach out to your targets and show your passion. You will connect with the right targets to whom that passion speaks. It is a deeper, more fundamental, and very real connection. It is intimate. And it cannot be faked.

But, your highly evolved brain is telling you, it’s too risky! It’s too real! How devastating is it going to be if the viewer rejects it or, worse, laughs or criticizes?

Here’s the trick: it will be only as devastating as you let it be. You have control over that–how you react–so the reality is that you risk nothing by putting yourself out there. Moreover, the rejection isn’t likely about you, it is about the other person. Because passion is so deep, many of us are afraid to react to it honestly and, instead, try to diffuse the tension it creates. People laugh or criticize to take away from their own discomfort at being confronted by something so real, so intimate. So, if someone laughs at or even dismisses your work, s/he is probably just uncomfortable at the honesty. S/he isn’t connected to her/his own passion and denies it in others so as not to face it in her/himself. Kind of like being asked something intimate and making a joke to avoid answering. It isn’t about you at all, it is about the other person!

But when you do reveal yourself, when you are passionate and there is no laughter, the connection is amazing. Like in dating, not everyone will be your match. Not everyone will want the real you, your real work, but when they do connect with you, through your passion, you will have a deeper intimacy. You will then truly partner with your client and be fulfilled in your work, your career, your business, and in ways beyond just pecuniary.

Following up on yesterday’s post, I was reminded by one of my followers about the phone. Continuing on the (totally sexist, sure, but mostly accurate) same theme that photographers are the girls in the paradigm, how you relate to the phone is different than usual, guys.

Yes, you have to make calls, which is kind of like asking for a date (and can be intimidating and scary), but both genders do this so that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the Wait. Every woman knows this story: you have a great first date and then you wait for the guy to call. There are a gazillion theories about whether you should ever call him or how many days you should wait before giving up on him calling… the point is you have the Wait. And it’s torturous.

For photographers, you have a great meeting (like a first date)–the contact says she loves your work and wants to find a way to work together and then says she’ll be in touch. You leave that meeting feeling on top of the world. Then, the next day, you wait for that phone to ring. Day after day you wait, and the phone does not ring. And your brain starts spinning:

Why hasn’t she called–she said she wanted to work together!
Maybe she was lying when she said she liked my work…
Did I say something wrong in the meeting?
Maybe I should call to see if she has a project for me…
Is my phone working?
I wonder if she’s using another photographer…

Here’s the thing: you are completely out of control–that is, you cannot do anything to make that phone ring. Let go. You have to just put it out of your mind (after sending a “thank you” of course) and stay on your course of marketing. The phone will ring, when she really does have a project for you, but you can’t push it. Stay in contact through your marketing (mailers, emails, etc.) and let go of trying to control the buyer. You can’t and it will only piss the buyer off if you try.

The Wait can be torturous, but as the old saying goes, good things are worth it.

I was having a conversation with a newly single photographer recently and he said that he thought that marketing was maybe like dating. I laughed because I have been saying that for years and have even been given some shit for that position. But I’m telling you, marketing is very much like dating.

Then I thought about why so many photographers don’t get that, or fight it. Then it dawned on me: marketing in your photo business is like dating; but this time, you’re the girl.

Since most photographers are still male, and mostly heterosexual males, this means they have no idea what it’s like from this position! It also explains why so often my female clients “get it” faster. We’ve been there! This is our “natural” state of being in the social world and now that marketing is so incredibly enmeshed with social (hello, there’s a reason they call it social media, people), we girls get how it works even faster. Guys, therefore, need to catch up a bit.

So, here are a few basic “rules” to get you guys started:

1. You have to put yourself out there. The world will not beat a path to your door no matter how fabulous you are, you have to go out there and let the world know you’re available. Go to events where your targets go, send promos, have a great website, etc.
2. Put yourself out there, but don’t put out. Doing the first one for free or a discount is like having sex on the first date, before even getting dinner. I don’t care how hot your target is, you just can’t. You may really, really want it, but you have to respect yourself to be respected by others, so just say “no” when asked (or even begged).
3. Dress for the date. If you are going out in public with any chance of being seen by potential clients (like going to lunch or for drinks with friends to a trendy place), dress up more. If you are going for a client meeting, really pay attention to the details of grooming and tailoring. I don’t care if your “date” is dressed like a slob, you’d better look fabulous.
4. Debbie Downer and Donna Desperate are never sexy. If you have been sending promos and are making calls to get a meeting, don’t sound desperate and, if you get a “No, I’m too busy,” say “Thanks anyway. Mind if I call you again in a month or two?” And if you get a meeting, at that meeting do not ever ask “Do you have a job for me?”
   Be upbeat and respect yourself. You’re a successful photographer–even if business has sucked lately, you have something to offer that no one else does–the way you think and see. Head up, smile, and never beg for attention or work. There are other fish in the sea.
5. Stalking never works. Guys, you know you hate it when some girl comments on every post you make on Facebook, or shows up where you go “accidentally,” or calls (or texts), like, every day even though you never answer. Same for buyers. It’s not cute, it’s scary. Have a schedule for your marketing efforts and stick to it.
   Gather data by following targets on Facebook, etc., but use that behind the scenes, so to speak. For example, if you know that a target’s birthday is coming up (thank you Facebook) you can send them a print with a happy birthday note. Do not, however, show up at the family party uninvited. (eek!)
6. Be interesting, sure, but more importantly, be interested. Okay, I may be violating girl-code here by telling y’all this, but it’s always better to encourage the person you are flirting with to talk about himself than to talk about yourself too much. Asking questions, listening, smiling & nodding, asking good follow-ups… all important. Don’t be a fawning lump (no one likes someone who has no opinions or stories to tell!)–but do encourage your target to open up and share.
7. Don’t sit by the phone. Okay, our phones are on us all the time but we don’t have to answer them 24/7–not for dates and not for business. I’ve said for years the best way to get a gig is to go on a vacation, and that is true. Being a little less available makes you look desirable and not desperate. Don’t answer the phone for business calls on weekends or off hours… it can go to voicemail and you can listen to it and choose for yourself whether it is a real emergency or something that can wait until Monday morning.
8. Don’t try to pick up the check on the first date. You’re the girl, remember, and sexist or not, if the guy asks you out, he should be paying for the date. In marketing, this is much like #2 above–here I mean don’t offer a discount in the attempt to get a project. It also makes you look desperate (see #4). If you get asked to estimate on a project, don’t think about how cheaply you can do it–think about the value you bring to the project and price accordingly.
9. Show a little leg. Like #1, you have to put yourself out there and you should do that in your marketing by showing your best work. But, don’t put it all out there (on your website or whatever). Keep some goodies in your print book only (or at least in a private electronic format like a pdf or something) so that you have something special to “put out” to those who make the effort to respond to your flirtations. Oh, and your best work is often your personal work so don’t be afraid to reveal some of that “leg.” Targets love to see the real you in your work–that is going to show in your personal work most of all.
10. Don’t lie. If you lie, you break trust and you will never build a relationship. Again, remember you are the girl in this paradigm and you want (eek!) a relationship, not just a bunch of notches in your bedpost. Lie once and you have quite probably no shot at ever “getting in bed” with this target. Ever. Be honest about who you are, what you want to do creatively, what your capabilities are, what you bring to the relationship, why you are attracted to your target… everything. You can spin the facts to make them look as positive as you can (kind of like wearing makeup), but do not lie.
    For example, if you haven’t had a paying project in six months and your target asks how things have been, you can answer “Good. Busy.” Why? Because you have been busy trying to get work and that’s good! But if the client follows up with “Who have you shot for in the past six months, you should say “I’ve been working on personal projects” rather than lie and say you shot for Bob’s House o’ Widgets or whatever. The truth will out, as they say. It’s not worth it.

So, with those ten starter tips in mind, go out there and flirt… er, market!