A couple of years ago, I wrote a post called Life Happens. It discussed my then-pending surgery and how I had to take care of some documents before undergoing general anesthesia. You should read it.
Spoiler alert: I came through it all very well.
But, life continues. In my case, not terribly long ago, life happened again: last summer, my then fiancé decided to end our relationship and move away. It was very sad, of course, but I wish him well and happy.
We’d been together for 10 years. Understandably, our lives had become very entwined. The breakup, of course, meant disentangling our lives, our finances, etc. Bluntly put: it has been a chore, even without having to go through the actual divorce process. That’s life. You can’t avoid bad things happening, no matter how you prep. But, you can prepare for some of those eventualities.
Besides the obvious splitting stuff (like divvying up the housewares) in the case of a breakup, when there is an end of a long relationship, whether by breakup or death of a partner, there is also a lot of paperwork to be done. For example, if you have your (now former) partner as a beneficiary on insurance or as a POD (payable on death) on financial accounts, you’ll need to change that. Was that person your emergency medical contact? You’ll need to get someone else. If you cohabitated, is your homeowner’s or renter’s insurance through you or your ex? What about ownership of the house or car(s)? Get that fixed. You’ll also need to take that person off your listed drivers on your auto insurance.
And then there is the other stuff, like I talked about in the original Life Happens: medical power of attorney, will, trust docs…all of these will need to be updated.
No one wants to think about their relationships ending, but they all do (breakup or death). If you have contingency plans in place, that can be helpful. For some things, you can add secondary beneficiaries or emergency contacts, for example. For others, maybe make a list of all the things you’d need to change should something unexpected happen. If you are married, you can get a post-nup that clearly explains who gets what in the case of a breakup. If you live together, you can get an agreement that does similarly. Sure, not very romantic, but it can make a hard part of life much easier.
Oh, and if you are in business together, you really need to have an agreement on how any split or death will affect that business. Do that now, please. Dealing with a business is an extra level of pain in the butt in a breakup or death.
No matter what, though, dealing with losing someone from your life is a chore. If you need help, there are plenty of pros like me or other lawyers, CPAs, insurance professionals, and therapists to help. Get the help.
I will say that taking care of all the paperwork can be a good distraction from the sadness of an ending, though. Any ending is tough, regardless of the circumstances. Forcing yourself to take care of the practical bits around it can give you a sense of grounding–that you will be okay.
And, no matter how you may feel at the time, you will.